Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell was the first women to receive an M.D. degree from an American medical school. In the fourth grade, I dressed up as her and presented a report about her life to my fellow students on the prompt “My Hero”. Today is her birthday, and to honor her legacy, the Physicians Mom Group (PMG) has decided to celebrate by designating February 3rd as National Women Physicians day.
What better day to launch my blog and start my journey to recovery than on this inaugural holiday?
Welcome to Recovery MD! I have decided to remain anonymous due to the raw nature of what this blog will be about. My stories, at the moment, are all details of shame, pain, and embarrassment. I have withdrawn from society, from my friends, and from all things happy (or so it feels like) because I have slipped back into Depression. Depression, a cruel partner to the pre-medical student lifestyle. An almost indispensable companion to the medical school application process. A painful memory that I am all too familiar with. In the last two years, I have taken the MCAT exam more than once (new and old due to my year in school), applied to medical school, have been rejected from several, interviewed and became waitlisted at 2, have gained 15 pounds (in danger of being pre-diabetic), lost all of my close friends, watched my face deteriorate to adult acne, earned a C in a basic science pre-med requisite, dealt with the death of a family member, and have lost all interest in the previous pleasures of my life.
However, also in the last two months, I have raised my GPA 0.2 points, have graduated from a major state university with a Bachelor of Science degree, served on the leadership board of one of my pre-med student clubs, made the Dean’s List , discovered a love of fitness (only to lose it time and time again), and recognized my chance for Recovery. RecoveryMD is my way of communicating with a friend, Happiness, through this rough patch. I have decided to retake the MCAT and look at my options for one-year academic programs. I might have to re-apply to medical school, and look at how to get funding for this endeavor. I’m tired of being beaten down repeatedly by life, and I don’t want to stand for it anymore. I am launching RecoveryMD to prove to myself that I can achieve my goals, and recover everything I once considered vital to my self-concept.
I’m made the start to Recovery by
- Reading again – As a child, I adored reading books (I may or may not have an AIM username floating around with that characteristic about me!) to expand my world view. In high school, I consider my advanced English courses to be my favorite coursework (tied with biology of course!). However, I definitely lost the reading bug in college, and the downward spiral corresponds with a lack of literature in my life. I plan to start a Goodreads account in this blog’s name and share my reviews of the books I read.
- Starting to Blog/Journal again – I blogged frequently and on multiple platforms during my collegiate career, always dreaming to start my own blog one day to share my life tips and successes with my readers. Although an anonymous endeavor is not really my style, like I said previously I have a lot to work on
- Taking care of myself again – Yes I ate like trash in college and high school. I was a skinny child but ballooned during pre-puberty and puberty. According to my BMI, I am overweight, and am a pretty petite individual to begin with. I have Binge Eating Disorder (BED), and frequently binged after exams to reward myself, in times of stress to comfort myself, and in times of boredom because there was nothing to do. My binges controlled me, and it takes every part of me to not run to the kitchen and eat everything in sight, no matter how worthless or disgusting I feel. My goals of having healthy skin and a healthy weight are definitely probable, but are not going to transpire without me being inspired to work.
- MCATing again – As a post-graduate student (not really student – I’m not enrolled in any courses at the moment) struggling financially, the only thing I can improve my reapplication to medical school that I can do right now is retake the MCAT. I’m still not happy about this, but logically it all makes sense. The MCAT is only associated with painful memories for me, and I will be writing more about this in the time to come for sure, but my old MCAT score of 507 is not going to cut it, and has not cut it already.
Join me on my road to Recovery, and I hope to one day be able to reveal myself from anonymity and be proud of who I am and how far I have come.